Talking about long distance relationship red flags that are impossible to ignore does not mean your long distance relationship is set to fail.
Long distance relationships are hard, but they’re not impossible.
I’ve been in one myself.
Though it’s not easy, I know that it can work if you put the effort into it.
However, there are some red flags you should look out for to determine if your long distance relationship is doomed or just needs a little nudge in the right direction.
1. Lack of Communication
Communication is an important foundation for any relationship.
If you can’t communicate well with your partner, then how can you work together to solve problems and make decisions?
Open communication allows both partners to feel comfortable and understood. It’s a crucial part of emotional intimacy.
It may seem obvious that communication is important in a relationship, but many people struggle with it, especially in long-distance relationships (LDRs).
LDRs have unique challenges, such as the lack of physical touch and face-to-face time.
This can lead to feelings of isolation and distance between partners, which may make them act out of character—or just not feel like themselves.
The need for alone time and being able to spend time with friends is also more difficult when living apart from your partner.
These challenges are all exacerbated if one or both partners don’t communicate effectively about their needs or emotions.
Communication issues can be addressed over time if both partners are committed to working on them.
However, if one partner doesn’t want to overcome the challenges, then it could be a sign that the relationship isn’t right for them.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations are a red flag in long distance relationships.
When you have unrealistic expectations, your relationships will fail.
In a new relationship, you have high hopes for the future.
You assume that your partner will act like your best friend and everything will be perfect.
But when you’re far from each other and cannot see each other often, it can be hard to maintain the illusion of perfection.
When we fall in love with someone, we believe that they will make us happy forever.
We assume that our partner will fulfil all our needs and wants – and we expect them to do this without any effort or compromise on their part.
If we don’t get what we want from our partner, we feel disappointed and upset because our expectations were not met.
This is where unrealistic expectations come into play: if you have unrealistic expectations about your partner’s behaviour or reactions to certain situations, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment down the road.
If one person wants marriage and kids, but the other doesn’t, this can cause problems down the road.
It’s important, to be honest about what you want from your relationship from day one so there aren’t any surprises later on in the game.
One person has more control over how often they talk than the other person does.
If one partner is always initiating contact, this could lead to resentment when one person feels like they are doing all of the work or being ignored by their partner.
3. Not Sure if You’re the Only One
You’re not sure if you’re the only one in his life.
You’re in a long distance relationship, but it’s hard to tell where it stands.
He has a way of making you feel like you’re the only one in his life, but then he goes radio silent for days at a time.
These are red flags that are impossible to ignore.
You can’t help but wonder if he’s seeing someone else, or if there is someone else who is more important than you.
If this is how he treats you when you’re together, then how do you think he’ll treat someone else?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your partner is just busy and will get around to calling or texting when he has more time.
But if it’s been weeks since he last reached out, there’s a good chance he doesn’t care enough about you to make it a priority.
Even though he may love you from afar, it’s possible that he’s got someone else on the side who makes him feel more important than you do.
Be careful about investing too much time and energy into someone who isn’t fully committed to you.
4. Not Prioritizing You
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of seeing each other.
It‘s also important to remember that there are red flags that can tell you if your relationship isn’t going to work out.
One of those red flags is when your partner doesn’t prioritize you in his life.
If he doesn’t make time for you when he’s with his friends or family, or if he always pushes off plans with you to do something else, then something isn’t right.
It might not be the end of the world if he doesn’t feel like going out on a Friday night because he wants to stay in and watch Netflix with his roommates.
But if he consistently makes plans with them instead of you, then there might be something deeper going on here.
In a long distance relationship, your partner should be making time for you.
They should be prioritizing you in their life and making sure that the time that they spend with you is quality time that isn’t just another obligation on their schedule.
If your partner doesn’t prioritize you in their life, then it’s not going to work out.
There are too many other things going on in the world and in our lives—and if we don’t make time for what matters most, then we won’t get anything done at all.
Are they just not as serious about this relationship?
Are they trying to find someone who will put up with their lack of commitment?
Is this just not working out?
These questions can only be answered by asking them directly—so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there if you really want it to work out.
5. They Operate With a Sense of Urgency
If you’re in a long distance relationship, you know it can be hard to keep the relationship going.
You may have even heard of someone who’s gone through this and has never made it work.
But don’t give up hope just yet! There are many things you can do to make sure your relationship will last.
One of the biggest red flags that a long distance relationship won’t work is when your partner shows signs of impatience.
When they start pressuring you to jump into things too quickly or when they become easily frustrated with the fact that there are obstacles in the way, it’s time for some serious soul-searching on your part.
If you find yourself feeling pressured into moving faster than you’re comfortable with, take a step back and evaluate why this is happening in the first place.
Is it because they’re insecure about their feelings for you?
Or is it because they simply want more out of life than what they have right now?
Either way, if your partner is pressuring you into making big decisions right now instead of waiting until both parties are ready, then there’s something wrong with this relationship that needs to be addressed before any further damage is done.
6. You’re Never Their First Choice
You’re Never Their First Choice
If your partner is always busy, has a million excuses, or can’t make plans with you, then they are never your first choice.
They may say that they love spending time with you, but if they can’t find a way to make it happen on their own, they don’t really value your relationship.
In a long distance relationship, this is especially important because there are many opportunities for things to go wrong or get in the way of plans.
If your partner doesn’t want to deal with all that and chooses not to participate in the first place, then they probably aren’t as invested in the relationship as you are.
The distance between you two may be too much for them to handle and are therefore looking for ways out of it instead of trying to make it work.
7. Out Of Sight Out Of Mind
If you’re in a long distance relationship, it can be hard to tell when a red flag starts waving. But here are some signs that your partner is out of sight, out of mind:
You never hear from them, and every time you ask about their plans for the weekend or what they did last night, they get annoyed.
They don’t tell you anything about their life, even if you ask directly. (Or worse, they lie.)
They say things like “I’m busy” or “I’ll call you later” but never actually do it—and when they do finally call or text, it’s always an excuse for why they didn’t call sooner.
They make plans with other people but never invite you along—even though they know how much you’d love to meet these people.
8. Making Excuses About Not Seeing Each Other In Real Life
You’re in a long distance relationship, which means that you and your partner are apart from each other for reasons that have nothing to do with the relationship itself.
Maybe one of you lives in another country, or maybe one of you is in college while the other is still in high school.
Maybe one of you is a flight attendant, and the other has no idea what that means.
Whatever the reason, a long distance relationship can be incredibly difficult… and it’s also incredibly common.
That’s because when two people are separated by great distances, they often make excuses about why they don’t see each other in person as often as they’d like:
“I don’t have time.”
“My schedule is too busy.”
“The car broke down this week.”
But these are all just excuses.
If there was really no way to see each other in person, then something else would come up, like getting a new car or taking some time off from work—to fix whatever was preventing them from seeing each other in real life.
The truth is that if your partner won’t see you in person when it’s possible for them to do so and especially when it’s easy, then that relationship is probably not going to work out.
9. They Don’t Make an Effort to Introduce You to Their Family or Friends
If your partner doesn’t make an effort to introduce you to their family and friends, then it’s time for you to consider the possibility that they don’t actually want you around.
It’s not that they don’t want their family and friends to know about you—they just don’t want them to know about you ‘enough’ to make the effort of introducing them.
It’s a red flag, not just because it’s rude and inconsiderate, but because it means that your partner doesn’t value you as much as you value them.
If they don’t want their friends and family to meet you, then they probably don’t feel comfortable enough in their relationship with you to introduce them to the people who mean the most to them.
This is especially true if they haven’t introduced you to their parents yet.
It’s not that long distance relationships can’t work at all—they can.
But if the person you’re dating can’t even make the effort to introduce you to their family during the holidays or send Christmas cards, then it might be time for a reality check about how committed they are to making this thing work.
Maybe they’re embarrassed by you.
Maybe they feel like they’re not good enough for their friends or family members.
Maybe they have some kind of problem with authority figures, and therefore don’t want to introduce someone who might become a parent figure or boss figure in their life.
Whatever it is, if your partner isn’t making an effort to introduce you around, then there’s probably something going on here that could eventually cause problems down the road.
10. They Haven’t Gotten Over Their Past Relationship
You’ve been dating for a few months, and it’s going great.
Everything is amazing, you have a great time when you’re together, and you’re both super excited about what’s coming next.
But then one day your partner tells you that they’re still not over their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.
You’re devastated and totally confused.
Did they not break up with them?
Did they lie to you?
What’s going on?
It’s common for people to have trouble getting over past relationships.
It can take weeks or months or even years before they’re fully ready to move on with someone new, even if that person might be better suited for them in the long run.
The funny thing is that some people just don’t get over their past relationships as quickly as others or at all.
And if your partner isn’t over their ex-relationship after several months or years of being together with someone new, then it’s probably because they think there’s still something there worth holding onto and you may consider this as a long distance relationship red flags that you cannot just ignore.
11. You Feel Like Your Relationship Is Merely an Idea to Them
You’ve been dating for a while, and things are going great.
You’re totally in love, and you feel like the future is bright.
But there’s a problem: You don’t know if he or she feels the same way.
It may sound crazy, but this is actually a common problem in long distance relationships.
One partner may be excited about the idea of being with you, but not actually want to do anything about it.
They might say they love you, but never make any effort to meet up or do anything more than talk on the phone or over video chat.
Or maybe they seem really interested in meeting up with you… until it actually happens and then suddenly everything changes?
If any of these examples sound familiar, then it might be time to ask yourself some serious questions about your relationship.
Is this person really interested in making a commitment?
Or are they just using you for their own selfish needs?
If so, then it’s probably time to move on before things get more complicated than they need to be.
12. They Seem Annoyed By the Very Idea of Visiting
There are long-distance relationship red flags that are impossible to ignore, and one of them is when your partner is annoyed by the idea of visiting.
If you find yourself dating someone who seems annoyed by the idea of visiting, then listen up—it’s time to break up with this person.
If they’re not willing to fly out to see you or talk about making plans for when you’ll finally see each other again, it’s a major sign that something isn’t right.
If your partner isn’t excited about seeing you in person, then there’s a good chance they’re not genuinely interested in you as a person.
These are all red flags that might not mean an immediate end to your relationship – but you may want to at least address them head-on with your partner and talk about ways you can come up with solutions together so they don’t become bigger issues in your relationship.
Long distance relationships can be tricky.
Even when the person you’re with is everything you want in a relationship, it’s easy to get side-tracked by emotions like loneliness and desire for companionship.
But keep your arguments within reason and play by the relationship rules, and you’ll be able to stay on course.