Finding the right partner can be a challenging task, and it’s easy to fall for someone who may not have the best intentions.
One common concern among people in relationships is whether their partner is using them for their own benefit, and one of the most common ways this can happen is through housing.
In this blog post, we’ll discuss the signs that your partner may be using you for a place to live in and what you can do about it.
7 Signs He Is Using You for a Place to Live In: How to Spot Them and What to Do About It
1. He is always broke
Being broke is not a crime.
Sometimes, responsibilities are actually what leads a person to be broke.
However, where your man is always broke without him carrying out any significant project or expenditure, you need to check him.
The fact that he is always broke and wants to assume independence from his family will leave him hanging on your neck because of the love you seemingly share.
He will never seem to have any money, but he will be found always living comfortably in your home.
Open your eyes and read between the lines.
While it’s possible that he’s just bad with money, it’s also possible that he’s taking advantage of your home that is open to him.
What you can do about this is talk to him about his finances and see if there’s a reason for his lack of money.
If he’s just bad with money, you can work together to create a budget.
If he is out of a steady job, you can work together to get a job with a steady source of income till he is stabilized.
If he’s using you, it’s time to set some boundaries.
2. He doesn’t contribute
Another sign that your partner may be using you for a place to live in is that he doesn’t contribute to the household.
If he never offers to help with rent or utilities, or he doesn’t help with chores or cooking, it could be a sign that he’s taking advantage of your generosity.
He should do something significant to ease the burden of caring for two people especially if he is fully living in your home.
If he comes in once in a while, it would be understandable that he is a guest who will be with you for a limited time.
However, where he lives with you, he should take on the responsibility of contributing positively in the house.
You cannot be responsible for someone who is not responsible for you in any way.
It’s a two-way thing.
In this kind of situation, what you can do is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your expectations for the household.
If he’s willing to contribute himself, that is great.
Another option will be to outsource the tasks if he is willing to pay for it.
If there is no headway about this, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
3. He’s always on the move
If your partner seems to move from one living situation to another frequently, it could be a sign that he is using you for a place to live in.
If he’s never able to settle down and always needs to crash at your place, it’s time to ask yourself why.
Ask yourself why he is always perching like a bird from tree to tree and then comes to nest at your house for the night.
Ask yourself why he seems to always have his bag packed and is always on the move.
Ask yourself why he has never invited you to his own place but always meets at yours.
When you realize the answer to these questions is because you’re the only housing option he has, then you’d think of what to do.
In solving this particular puzzle, talk to your partner about his living situation and see if there’s a reason for his constant moving.
If he’s just between places, you can set some boundaries around how often he can stay at your place.
If he’s using you, consider ending the relationship.
4. He’s not interested in building a life with you
Do you have a partner who never seems to be interested and building a life with you?
He never opens up about making long-term plans with you.
His interest becomes shallow and dwindles when you talk about future plans involving both of you.
You never really can tell whether he is with you for a long time or he’s just staying over at your place to use you as a shield and shelter.
With him, all about you is just about the business of having a safe space physically and nothing more.
Don’t be surprised there is someone else in the picture whom he intends to build his future around when he finds his footing.
When he chooses not to talk about the future you both share, it can be one of the signs he is using you for a place to live in for the moment.
What I will advise you to do is sit with him to dissect this issue by first discussing your individual future plans.
Tell him where he features in your plans.
Go ahead to ask him where you come into his plans and when he has nothing to say, you can be sure he has no interest in building a life with you.
At this point, it will be wise to consider the whole relationship except you have no issues with that.
5. He doesn’t have a job
If you are dating a man that does not have a job and it is not as if he just lost his job and then he lives in your house you can be a sign that he is just using you for a place to live in.
I’m not disputing the fact that he can be in between jobs but that does not excuse the fact that at the moment he does not have a job.
There needs to be an explanation on why he is not in gainful employment at that moment.
It is not about him not being employed, it is about him sitting back in your space and not doing something about his job status because he is comfortable.
Living in your space is not just the question here it is also about you bearing the responsibility for two adults
If he appears to be laid back about the whole thing, you two might have to sit back to analyse the issue from a very holistic perspective.
I will advise you to talk about his job situation and see if there’s a reason for his current unemployment.
Be sure he gives a credible answer to this and see if you can corroborate this.
Also, if he makes an effort to contribute in other meaningful ways, you may be able to work out things together.
However, if he has no intention of finding a job and is relying solely on your support, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
6. He’s not respectful of your space
If you happen to have your partner living in your house and he shows no respect for your space both physically and mentally as in your boundaries, it is simply because he does not care.
If he is constantly leaving things around the house and not maintaining any form of decorum or cleanliness, you have to set some rules in place.
Also, where he seems not to be bothered about your alone time, you might want to spell that put accurately too.
On what to do in this kind of situation, I’ll say you should lay down the rules that work for you with respect to how he treats your house and belongings.
Also, the fact that he needs to give you your time and space even when you’re within the same house needs to be stated.
If he doesn’t agree to any of these terms amicably, he simply doesn’t care about you as a person but just wants to have a place to live in.
If this is the case, you may want to consider ending things.
7. He has a history of using people
If your partner has a history of using people for his own benefit, it could be your turn.
One of the signs that he is using you for a place to live in at the moment is just the fact that he is a known user.
If he’s used other people for housing or other resources in the past, it’s important to be aware of this pattern and consider whether it’s happening in your relationship as well.
It is irrelevant to think that you share a bond or something special.
He could be a narcissist or manipulator who would make you do things or act in ways that will favour him greatly.
I’m not saying he cannot be a changed person.
What I’m saying is that if it is habitual for him, don’t be too relaxed as you might just be the next victim for him.
My tip on handling this one is that you have a conversation about the past and how it has influenced your current lifestyles and choices.
When you get to his turn, chip in his past relationships and behaviours with people.
If he’s aware of his pattern and is actively working to change it, you may be able to work through this issue together.
If he is being unapologetic or unfazed by this, you can reach a conclusion about him by yourself.
If you suspect that your partner may be using you for a place to live in, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the relationship.
You’re more than an option to be used for comfort and convenience.
You’re much more and should demand the same.