What are the Signs He Is Hurting After The Breakup?
It’s been a while since your breakup, and you’re still hoping he will come back to you.
But what if he doesn’t?
Let’s face it: breakups hurt especially if it took you time for your love to manifest.
They can make us feel like we have lost our best friend, or even worse, that we are not good enough for our partner.
If he is hurting after the breakup, here are some signs to look for:
13 Signs He Is Hurting After The Breakup
1. He changed his hair.
He changed his hair.
If he dyed it, cut it, shaved it off completely, grew a full beard, or did anything else that drastically altered his appearance, chances are he was going through an emotional time.
You might have heard of people getting a “breakup haircut” to signify that they’re moving on and starting fresh, but there’s no right way to handle all the things you’re feeling after a breakup.
Maybe your ex-boyfriend didn’t want to cut all of his hair off.
Instead, he got a tattoo or got some new piercings.
These could also be signs of him trying to cope with the pain from the breakup.
Whatever route he took in changing his looks is perfectly okay because we all deal with things differently
Sometimes we just want someone else to notice what’s different.
2. He stays at work late so he doesn’t have to go home alone.
If he is staying at work late every night, it could be that this is one of the signs he is hurting after the breakup.
It’s a good sign if you want to know whether or not he still has feelings for you.
If he didn’t care, chances are he wouldn’t bother staying at work later than necessary.
There could be other reasons why he stays late at work though, so don’t make assumptions without having talked to him first.
He may be avoiding going home because his roommates are just too loud for him to handle when all he wants to do is have some peace and quiet away from everyone else.
Another reason why your ex might stay late at work often is that it gives him an excuse to not think about what happened in your relationship before the breakup happened.
Especially if your break-up was caused by something serious.
Where there were many things said during those arguments which would make anyone feel bad afterwards
He could also be trying hard not to think about the breakup itself because it brings back painful memories from his past that haven’t been dealt with yet.
3. His friends have noticed that he seems down.
His friends have noticed that he seems down.
Is your ex-boyfriend talking to his friends about the breakup?
If your ex-boyfriend is talking to his friends about the breakup, it’s a sign that he wants to talk about it with you too.
If he’s making himself vulnerable with them, then it means that he also feels emotionally vulnerable and ready to dive into a conversation with you about what happened between the two of you.
If this is not happening, however, it could be an indicator that he doesn’t want to get back together with you because he does not trust you or feel comfortable opening up to you anymore.
It could also mean that your ex-boyfriend is just lonely and needs someone new in his life right now so all of his time isn’t spent thinking about how sad and depressed he feels.
Either way: pay attention.
4. You notice a change in his mood when you talk to him.
You notice a change in his mood when you talk to him.
When you and your guy were together, did you two have the kind of relationship where he didn’t hesitate to tell you how he felt?
Were you the person who always knew all of the intimate details about his life, both past and present?
If so, this could be a sign that he’s hurting after the breakup.
When people experience heartache, one of their go-to coping mechanisms is to pull away from everyone around them.
If your ex seems sad or angry whenever he talks to you now for example, maybe his texts are terser than they used to be, that’s a sign that things aren’t going as well as he might be letting on.
Similarly, if it feels like he’s not as interested in talking with you as much as he used to be — or if it seems like he’s more sociable around others than when he’s just being himself with you — then this could also indicate that something has changed in your relationship post-breakup.
And finally, if it seems like your ex can’t look at you for too long without looking away quickly or even seeming flustered for instance, maybe whenever your eyes meet during a conversation between the two of you, one of you has to look down at your phone pretty much immediately, then there could definitely still be some lingering feelings on his end.
5. You run into him and he looks sad or depressed.
When you run into him, the first thing to do is look at his face.
Is he smiling?
If not, it could be a sign that he’s hurting deeply.
If he looks like he’s in pain, check his body language for further clues.
If he doesn’t make eye contact with you or slouches in a way that suggests hopelessness and despondency, these are good indicators that the break-up has been difficult for him.
If you see this kind of body language but don’t want to assume anything, say hello and ask if everything is okay.
See how he reacts: If he doesn’t smile back or reciprocate your friendly greeting, there’s probably something wrong.
If this happens, try to engage him in conversation by asking questions about what happened to cause the break-up and how long ago it was.
He may not feel comfortable telling a complete stranger about all his problems and if so you were correct to assume something was off.
Opening up can help lighten his mood and release some of the emotional burdens carried by those suffering after a tough breakup.
6. He says things about himself that indicate insecurity like, ‘who would want me?’
He says things about himself that indicate insecurity like, “who would want me?”
It’s natural to feel insecure after a breakup.
Relationship breakups are among the most stressful events of our lives.
Insecurity is a kind of negative self-talk that can be pretty common when you’re going through an emotional time.
It’s not always easy to move on after a breakup and find someone new.
If he seems clingy and insecure, it can be because he has internalized all this baggage and it’s holding him back from finding someone new.
He could also just be looking for validation from you as his ex-girlfriend that he is good enough and attractive enough to find love again with another woman who will make him happy again in a relationship.
Either way, insecurities can be helpful to notice because they can point to a problem that your ex-boyfriend needs to address so that he will feel confident again in himself instead of being hurt by the breakup with you.
7. He’s started taking care of himself better
If you’re wondering whether or not he is hurting after the breakup. Consider this:
- Is he taking care of himself better than before?
- Has he started working out more and/or eating healthier?
- Is his style looking sharper, or are his outfits on point?
When you’re in a relationship with someone, there isn’t as much of an incentive to take care of yourself because there’s already someone who loves you for who you are.
However, when your partner breaks up with you, this may be a sign that they want out of the relationship because they no longer find you attractive in any way.
This can be one of the hardest things to realize and accept as truth.
So it makes sense that some people will try to change themselves in hopes of winning their ex back and making them regret their decision.
Another reason a person may begin taking better care of themselves post-breakup is to impress others around them—or even just their exes—in order to make them feel jealous or insecure about letting them go.
There’s something about knowing that we let a great catch get away from us that brings out the best in us when we see our exes doing well for themselves after a breakup and it’s not hard to understand why.
It also works in reverse: if your ex feels like they lost you because they weren’t good enough then seeing how well off without them can sting very badly indeed.
8. He talks about how much he needs a girlfriend or needs more sex now that you aren’t in the picture.
If he is talking about how much he needs a girlfriend or how he is going on dates with lots of women, it could be because he is trying to make you feel jealous.
If you are the one who broke up with him, then this could be his way of making you jealous and wanting to get back together with him.
It could also mean that he isn’t ready to move on from you as well.
He’s telling you things like this so that maybe you will give in and want him back.
This can also mean that just because your ex-boyfriend says this doesn’t mean that he is sleeping around with other women.
Although some men do play the field after a breakup, others just talk about it so they can make themselves feel better about their situation.
If your ex-boyfriend tells you that he has been dating other people or having sex with them, this might actually be true.
However, if your relationship was healthy and happy before the breakup then there’s probably no reason for him to want to sleep around now that you’re not together anymore.
Maybe something happened between both of you while dating which made it easy for him to move on quickly?
9. He’s partied hard in your absence and there are pictures on social media of him looking like a hot mess and getting attention from women.
He’s probably just trying to prove to you and himself that he still has it.
He may be trying to make you feel jealous about how great he looks without you, or he might want to display his new freedom and ability to get attention from women.
If this is the case, he may be using social media as a way of communicating with you.
He thinks that by posting these pictures and getting his friends to comment on them, it will make its way back to you, and thus he’ll succeed in making you jealous.
10. He keeps getting wasted and drunkenly texting you all the time.
Too much alcohol is never a good sign.
Nothing good happens when someone is drunk.
It’s one of the only states in which people are more likely to be completely honest with themselves and the people they love.
It’s best not to really pay attention unless you feel like being dragged into his emotional abyss.
If he’s getting wasted every night since the breakup, these may not be genuine feelings
They may just be alcohol-induced emotions that have no basis in reality.
Drunk dialling is a sign of desperation rather than a healthy way of moving on from your relationship and healing in general.
If he’s trying to bury his pain with alcohol, he’ll most likely just end up with an ulcer.
11. He stole something from your house that had personal value just so he could be close to you again.
In fact, he’s making decisions that are not only immature but also illegal.
When you have a break-up and someone takes something that belongs to you without asking or taking it without your consent, they’re committing a crime.
If this was done while breaking up with you or because of the breakup, he has lost sight of his better judgment and isn’t thinking clearly.
He’s desperate to feel close to you again and isn’t respecting your boundaries, property, privacy, and safety in the process.
This sign doesn’t mean that there is hope for reconciliation if you want him back.
This means he’s too emotionally damaged to make healthy decisions right now.
If anything should happen to him because of these rash choices he is making.
It will be on your conscience forever.
You must take care of yourself first and foremost during this difficult time.
12. He starts using sexual innuendoes when talking to you (like asking if you’ve been out with other guys yet).
How does this relate to hurt feelings?
Well, think about it: flirting with you is a way of keeping the connection between you alive.
He may be trying to get your attention, or he may be trying to see if you still want him.
He could even be using it as a way of making himself feel better because he can’t seduce his ex-girlfriend.
You need to decide after you’ve analyzed all the signs whether this relationship is worth pursuing again.
If it isn’t and he keeps doing things like this, just cut contact until he gets the message.
13. You find out through mutual friends that he was crying because of the breakup.
If your ex is crying about the breakup, he might be genuinely hurt or in emotional pain.
But on the other hand, he could be trying to manipulate and control you by making you feel guilty for dumping him.
While it’s possible that you simply found out through mutual friends that your ex was upset after the breakup, he might also be telling his friends to spread the word about how sad he is so they’ll tell you in an attempt to make you feel bad.
He could also be using these stories of sadness as a way of making you jealous by putting himself out there with other women.
Or maybe he’s telling people how sad he is because he’s hoping it will make them think twice about letting him go.
These are all signs that your ex doesn’t respect your boundaries and wants to maintain power over you even though things ended between the two of you.
To know whether someone is hurt after a breakup, it’s key to notice how they act when you talk to them, as well as how their friends describe them acting without you around.
The first thing to notice is how your ex acts when you talk to them.
Do they seem different than they used to?
Are they more likely to be flirty, or do they avoid talking to you as much as possible?
These are both signs that someone might be hurting after a breakup.
If your ex seems happier when you’re around, this might be because he feels like he has an opportunity to impress you or talk about their success with the opposite sex.
This is especially true if he seems happier when others are around too because he wants people to know that he’s doing well and isn’t sad over the breakup.
However, it could also mean that your ex just doesn’t want to show his hurt feelings in front of other people.
If your ex is acting very differently when you’re not together, check with their friends and family members.
They might know why your ex is acting this way and whether it’s because of the breakup or some other issue in his life.