There’s a thin line between loving others and being a people pleaser.
Being considerate of others is a positive trait, but when the desire to please others becomes overwhelming, it might indicate a people-pleasing tendency.
This is where you see yourself doing things that are above your means, biting more than you can chew just to make sure that people around you validate you.
Although there are times when you need to go the extra mile for your people, if going the extra mile becomes something you do every time and for everyone, it’s possible you have become a people pleaser.
As soon as you begin to feel like you can please everyone around you, you are already on a path to destroying yourself.
People’s needs are unending, and the more you try to fulfill them, the more it becomes.
Below are signs to help you recognize if you are a people pleaser.
8 Signs You Might Be A People Pleaser
1. Difficulty Saying “No”
Everyone has a choice, and there’s absolutely nothing about refusing people if what is needed is not consonance with their personal needs.
People pleasers often struggle to say “no” to requests, even when it may not be in their best interest.
This problem comes from a deep-rooted fear of disappointing others or being perceived as unhelpful.
They would usually prioritize the needs of others over their own and would always end up becoming overcommitment.
As it is, their constant need to please others can result in stress, exhaustion, and a lack of time and energy for personal well-being because people are insatiable.
Learning to assertively say “no” is crucial for setting boundaries and ensuring a healthier balance between helping others and taking care of oneself.
If people do not refuse others in times when they truly can’t, we may never understand people who say “no” to them when it seems like they can.
2. Fear of Disapproval
Another sign of a people pleaser is their fear of not getting approval or validation from others.
Everyone cannot like you; everyone cannot approve of you.
Once you begin to want everyone around you to approve of you, you become a self-destructive person.
How do you know you are afraid of getting disapproved?
You go to great lengths to avoid criticism or negative feedback, often at the expense of your authenticity.
This fear can be rooted in a desire for external validation and acceptance.
People pleasers may find themselves shaping their behavior and decisions based on what they think will please others, sacrificing their true selves in the process.
Overcoming this fear involves building self-confidence and recognizing that it’s impossible to please everyone.
You should remind yourself of the importance of staying true to your values and maintaining your authenticity while at it.
3. Ignoring Personal Boundaries
People pleasers frequently neglect their own boundaries in an effort to accommodate others.
Some people pleasers do not even have boundaries.
Because why does everything go for you?
It’s a sign that you do not have boundaries and anything that comes can come in.
Once you see this, you know that it is a problem of fear of rejection or conflict that can arise if they assert their limits.
They might find themselves saying “yes” to requests that encroach on personal time, space, or emotional well-being all because they don’t want anyone to sideline them.
But the irony.
Over time, these things they do just to gain acceptance into every social circle may become things that make them feel resentment and a diminished sense of self.
Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and maintaining a balanced and fulfilling life.
4. Avoiding Conflict at All Costs
Avoiding conflict at all times and cost is not a sign of a peacemaker, against popular beliefs.
Peacemakers address every conflicting situation and ensure that there is unity and oneness.
Aversion to conflict is a common trait among people pleasers.
The fear of disagreement or disapproval can lead them to avoid confrontations, even when addressing issues is necessary for growth.
You’ll hear things like, “I’m trying to follow peace with all men; I don’t want any troubles.”
But they fail to realize that any trouble that is not addressed now would definitely be addressed later.
Their avoidance may result in suppressing their own needs and opinions to maintain harmony.
Learning to navigate and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner is needed for building authentic connections and preventing the accumulation of unresolved issues that could strain relationships over time.
Embracing constructive conflict resolution helps people pleasers express their perspectives and needs without sacrificing their own well-being.
5. Constant Apologizing
There’s nothing wrong in apologizing when you are wrong.
In fact, it is expedient for an emotionally mature person to say “I’m sorry” when they offend others.
But you see people who constantly have sorry in their mouths? They look like people pleasers.
All those excessive apologizing, even for situations beyond their control.
This behavior is rooted in a deep-seated desire to avoid conflict or disapproval.
Constantly saying sorry, even when not warranted, diminishes the sincerity of apologies and may lead to feelings of guilt that are unwarranted.
Know when a genuine apology is necessary and offer it instead of always offering your head as a sacrificial lamb and unnecessarily taking on blame for even things that do not concern you.
It’s not humility, it’s men pleasing.
6. Feeling Responsible for Others’ Emotions
Everyone’s emotion is unique and you are only responsible for your actions and reactions.
You are not exactly responsible for the way people feel about things or how they react to things.
People pleasers usually feel an undue responsibility for the emotions of those around them.
They might internalize and attempt to fix or manage the feelings of others, even when it’s beyond their control.
You can’t tell people what to feel.
You can’t control how they feel.
Trying to do these will either make you a nuisance or cause people to feel repelled by you.
You should recognize that everyone is accountable for their emotions so that you are able to establish healthy boundaries and prevent emotional exhaustion.
Encourage open communication about emotions without taking on undue responsibility to allow for more authentic and balanced relationships.
7. Difficulty Expressing True Feelings
People pleasers often struggle to express their true feelings, fearing that doing so may lead to conflict or disapproval.
They may suppress their emotions to maintain harmony in relationships, even if it means sacrificing their authenticity and suffering in silence.
Learning to communicate openly and assertively is vital for cultivating genuine connections.
Expressing true feelings allows for a more authentic and fulfilling exchange, fostering healthier relationships based on mutual understanding.
8. Overcommitting and Overworking
You know that thing they say: “Jack of all trades, master of none”
It’s not a joke at all.
You can’t do everything; you’ll only become unproductive in all.
A common behavior in people pleasers is the tendency to overcommit to tasks or work excessively to meet others’ expectations.
Most times, they’re not even sent. They just believe that if they bite more than they can chew, others will applaud them.
You know, that desire to be seen as always reliable and helpful.
However, over time, it will result in burnout and neglect of personal well-being.
Striking a balance, setting realistic expectations, and learning to prioritize tasks are essential steps in breaking free from the cycle of overcommitting and fostering a healthier work-life balance.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs of people-pleasing is the first step towards fostering healthier relationships and self-empowerment.
Your priority should always be your good health and well-being.
If you trivialize any of these in an attempt to stay in people’s good books, you will soon realize that you have done yourself harm and you may resent yourself for it.
Embracing authenticity, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care is essential in breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing and nurturing a more fulfilling life.