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Marriage is a sacred bond that requires love, commitment, and effort from both partners. 

However, there is nothing like a perfect marriage anywhere. 

Even the best of marriages encounter challenges from time to time. 

When two people from different backgrounds come together in a marital union, they come with their personal identity, preferences and way of life.

In marriage, one must always adjust to make room for the other in order for peace to reign. 

Failure to do this usually results in several issues, and one of these issues is resentment. 

Resentment can gradually build up, leading to emotional distance, communication breakdown, and a strain on the relationship. 

In this article, we will try to understand resentment, identify its causes in marriage and provide effective strategies to address and fix this detrimental issue. 



Picture resentment like that annoying mosquito buzzing around your head, constantly bothering you.

In a marriage, it’s those persistent feelings of anger, disappointment, and bitterness that just won’t quit, probably because you’ve been wronged or underappreciated.

It also shows up as a result of failed or unmet expectations, unresolved conflicts, or inadequate emotional support.

The danger of resentment is that it can slowly chip away at the trust and intimacy in your marriage.

It’s like a sneaky little termite eating away at the foundation of your relationship.

If you don’t address it, it can cause a crack in your marital bond. By recognizing and acknowledging that resentment is hanging around, you’ve already taken the first step.

It’s important to sit down with your partner and have a heart-to-heart conversation about what’s been bothering you.

Getting it all out in the open may help you understand where it’s coming from.

Once you know what’s causing the resentment, you can start working on a solution.



How can this resentment be dealt with in order to preserve the marital bond and restore love, peace and harmony in the home? 

1. Open and Honest Communication


Once you’ve acknowledged the resentment and identified the root causes, it’s crucial to create an environment of open and honest communication with your partner. 

Get into an agreement with your partner to talk about what is bothering your marriage, and together you both should decide on a convenient time when you can sit and talk like friends and lovers without fear of judgment or defensiveness.

Listen actively to your partner’s concerns, and try to understand their perspective. 

Avoid blame and focus on understanding each other’s emotions and experiences.


2. Identify the Root Cause

There are several reasons resentment can show up in a marriage, and most of these reasons are usually the undoing of one or both of the partners. 

Ranging from the issues of unresolved conflicts to communication breakdown, unbalanced share of responsibilities, lack of appreciation, emotional breakdown and the list goes on.

Identifying the root cause of resentment is a major step when dealing with resentment in marriage. 


3. Practice Forgiveness and Let Go of Grudges


Forgiveness is an essential step in fixing resentment in marriage. 

You should note that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or condoning the behavior that caused the resentment.

 Instead, it means that you have chosen to let go of the negative emotions associated with the past events and are finding a path towards healing. 

Practice forgiveness for both yourself and your partner. 

When you do this, you free yourselves from the burden of past grievances and create space for growth and reconciliation.


4. Rediscover Quality Time and Shared Activities

Maybe the easiest way to grow past resentments in marriage is to actually grow fond of each other

Amidst the challenges of resentment, it’s important to reconnect as a couple and rediscover the joy of being together. 

Make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your partner. 

Plan regular date nights or engage in activities that you both enjoy.

This shared time allows you to create new memories, strengthen your bond, and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. 

It serves as a reminder of the love and connection that brought you together in the first place.


5. Cultivate Empathy and Understanding


Empathy plays a crucial role in resolving resentment. 

Your partner may not have been wrong.

It’s only you’ve not considered the situation from their perspective. 

Put yourself in their shoes and recognize that your partner does have their own struggles, insecurities, and emotions. 

Cultivating empathy allows you to develop a deeper understanding of each other’s experiences, which can foster compassion and create a more supportive and loving environment in your marriage.


6. Foster Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy is the bedrock of every marriage. 

Resentment may build a wall between you and your partner, and deepening emotional intimacy may be just what you need to pull that wall down. 

Share your thoughts, fears, and dreams with your partner. 

Be vulnerable and encourage your spouse to do the same. 

Emotional intimacy fosters empathy, understanding, and a sense of security.


7. Establish Boundaries


It is not out of place for married couples to establish healthy boundaries, especially if it will curtail the recurrence of resentment. 

Clearly define your expectations, discuss personal space and alone time, and respect each other’s needs. 

Healthy boundaries foster mutual understanding and ensure both partners feel valued and respected.


8. Practice Gratitude

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can shift your focus from resentment to appreciation. 

Make a habit of expressing gratitude for the positive aspects of your spouse and relationship. 

When you move from resentment to gratitude, it will surprise you the lot that there is to appreciate in your spouse. 

Celebrate each other’s strengths and acknowledge the efforts made to improve the marriage.


9. Seek Professional Help if Needed


Sometimes, addressing resentment in a marriage can be challenging, especially if the issues are deeply rooted and complex or when resentment has brooded for a long time. 

In such cases, seeking professional help from a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist can be immensely beneficial. 

A professional can provide valuable insights, act as a mediator, facilitate productive communication, and guide you through the process of healing and rebuilding trust in your marriage.



10. Make a Commitment to Change

Resolving resentment is a continuous process that requires commitment and effort from both partners because while trying to get over one hurt, your partner may do something else that hurts your feelings. 

It’s important to make a joint commitment to work on your marriage and address the issues that have caused the resentment. 

Set realistic goals together and celebrate small victories along the way. 

Keep the lines of communication open and continuously check in with each other to ensure you’re making progress. 

Remember, change takes time, so be patient and supportive of each other throughout the journey.



To ensure that your marriage does not become a brooding place for resentment, you and your partner must learn to prioritize each other and pay attention to each other’s need for happiness and growth. 

Avoid doing things that will spur up anger in your partner, and if you do hurt your partner, normalize apologizing immediately. 

Untamed anger and unappeased hurts often leads to resentment. 

Also, be super appreciative of your partner and seek ways to help them grow and be happy. 

By following these guidelines, resentment should be far away from your marriage. 


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