Friends with benefits relationships are a nuanced aspect of modern dating.
In the traditional relationship setting, before two people can serve themselves intimately, they must be committed to each other- heart and mind.
However, modern dating has come up with the idea of friends with benefits as something that is less attached and more convenient.
This involves two individuals who may have been previously romantically involved but have opted for a more casual, non-committal arrangement to satisfy their intimate desires without being committed to each other.
The reasons for a past partner may want to create a friends with benefits setup can be multifaceted and are often unique to individuals.
But in this article, we will consider 8 compelling reasons behind this choice, shedding light on the psychology and dynamics at play.
8 Reasons Why Your Ex Chooses To Be Friends With Benefits
1. Physical Attraction
The allure of physical attraction can be a dominant factor.
There’s often the case where someone is only physically attracted to another and would love to share physical intimacy but isn’t ready for any form of commitment or emotional connection.
In this kind of situation, the partners involved will only come together to satisfy their physical intimate needs in what is called a fling or friends with benefits.
Despite the end of a romantic relationship, your ex may still find you physically attractive and would still want to enjoy the satisfaction of enjoying physical intimacy with you even when they do not want to revive the connection you both shared.
This can be risky if you do not want to revive your relationship because the fact that the relationship ended doesn’t mean that the feelings you both had for each other have disappeared.
Consenting to this arrangement when you’re still emotionally attached may result in the revival of the relationship.
2. Comfort and Familiarity
A pre-existing comfort level and familiarity can significantly influence the decision to enter into the friends with benefits arrangement.
Your ex is someone you have shared some level of intimacy with, and they are both familiar and comfortable with your style.
So they’ll choose to keep up intimacy with you and avoid the stress of starting afresh with someone else, first-time embarrassment, and having to learn and adjust to a new style.
This mostly happens when they are not ready to be in another relationship or do not have someone they love.
If there is someone they are emotionally connected to, staying in a friends with benefits relationship with you may feel like infidelity.
But if there is no one, rather than fulfill their intimate desires in an unfamiliar way, they may choose to share it with you.
And the absence of initial awkwardness can make the transition even smoother.
3. Emotional Attachment
Emotional bonds often outlast romantic relationships.
Your ex may still harbor emotional attachments despite the fact that the relationship has ended.
The end of a relationship never marks the automatic end of an emotional attachment between partners.
There are situations where emotional attachments are severed even before the relationship meets its end.
This often happens in cases where partners have lost interest in each other, or the spark in the relationship has gone out for one reason or another.
Other times, emotional attachments may continue long after the end of the relationship, where the couple still wants each other and seek ways to maintain their connection outside a relationship arrangement.
Usually, if your ex is still emotionally attached to you, they may decide to be friends with benefits.
This arrangement will help them work through the complexity of the situation, allowing them to maintain a connection without full commitment.
4. Temporary Solution
Your ex can also opt for the friends with benefits arrangement as a temporary solution in cases where a new, serious relationship hasn’t materialized.
This means that your ex’s new relationship may be in the works, and while that is going on, there’s the need to satisfy their need for intimacy and companionship temporarily.
This will be an arrangement where both of you can still enjoy the company, but without getting too emotionally attached.
There should be no expectations of long-term commitment or deep emotional attachment.
And choosing you for the friends with benefits arrangement will only make sense, seeing that you were the one playing the role before the termination of the relationship, and because it would just be a temporary arrangement.
5. Mutual Agreement
Successful friends with benefits relationships thrive on mutual agreement.
As long as the other party does not consent, it remains a proposal.
If your ex comes to you with the friends with the friends with benefits proposal and you do not consent to it, it won’t work.
But when they come in search of physical closure, and you are both available and willing to supply, they receive the signal that you consent to the arrangement.
There are also situations where partners in a romantic relationship terminate their relationship just to become friends with benefits.
Both of you may agree that this arrangement aligns with your current lifestyles, desires, and personal growth goals.
6. Avoiding Drama
Romantic relationships come with a truckload of drama and unnecessary troubles.
From the need to become dependent to the struggle of compromises and sacrifices and having to fight insecurity and jealousy, people are beginning to migrate from being in a serious relationship to being friends with benefits.
Your ex may be one of the people seeking ways to avoid all the drama that comes with committing to a romantic relationship.
This desire to avoid the complexities and drama that can accompany romantic relationships often drives people to opt for friends with benefits because the arrangement offers simplicity and a focus on shared physical enjoyment.
With this, no one needs to be dependent on, responsible to/for, or accountable to another.
Also, common issues that plague people in a relationship will not plague them.
All the arrangement requires is the fulfillment of physical intimacy needs.
Friends with Benefits arrangement may also be very convenient for people who are leading busy lives.
These people have so much going on for them alongside their need for physical intimacy.
But their busy schedules often do not afford them the luxury of time and opportunity to commit to a relationship that can satisfy all their intimate needs- sexual, physical, and emotional.
The arrangement allows them to have both companionship and physical intimacy without the hassle of having to build a relationship.
However, the friends with benefits setting can be a convenient way to satisfy physical desires, and they need not worry about the time-consuming aspects of being in a traditional relationship.
8. Transition Period
Your ex is not expected to just bounce out of the relationship like nothing happened.
Especially if it’s one that was long-term where you both had poured yourself into each other.
After the end of the relationship, there’ll still be the residue of each other in both of you, and it may take a while to move from the mindset of being in a relationship to the acceptance of single-hood.
During this transition period, your ex may decide to find comfort in enjoying the intimacy you both shared while they come to terms with the fact that they are no longer in the relationship.
Having the friends with benefits relationship with you will also prevent them from jumping into another relationship immediately out of desperation and the need to satisfy intimate desires.
Friends with benefits arrangements may not be suitable for everyone, but they offer a unique approach to human connections in the modern dating landscape.
Whether fueled by physical attraction, emotional ties, or the desire for simplicity, these arrangements can provide fulfilling and enjoyable experiences when built on open communication and mutual consent.
Understanding the motivations behind your ex’s desire to set up a friends with benefits relationship can help you decide on the situation with greater awareness and clarity.