9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

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Affection is a vital element in any romantic relationship, acting as one of the glue that binds couples together.

However, there are times when you find that your man is withholding affection from you, and this has caused a strain in your relationship with him.

It will be really helpful to understand why he might be withholding affection and how you can work towards resolving the issue and reigniting a spark in your relationship.

There are many reasons why men may withhold affection from their partners, ranging from anxiety and stress to lack of appreciation or feeling unfulfilled.

These feelings can contribute to an emotional disconnect between you and your man.

In this article, we’ll explore nine common reasons behind this while looking at it from the perspective of the various human relationships and the emotions that can exist in between.


9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

1. Stress and Responsibilities

Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

Your boyfriend is the one who goes to work before 7 a.m. and returns after 7 p.m.?

Or is he the firstborn and breadwinner in his family?

There is something overworking and stress do to people sometimes- it makes them numb.

When people are carrying so many burdens for a long time, the pains of the burdens soon metamorphose into numbness.

So, yes.

The pressures of external stressors or work-related issues can strain your relationships, affecting the frequency of affectionate gestures.

You can help him by sharing in his burdens as much as you can.

Volunteer to help him handle one responsibility that is within your power.

This can help him ease the stress of his burdens and also make him more affectionate towards you.



2. Unresolved Conflicts

Conflict in relationships is a recurring thing.

Usually, people cannot expect not to have conflicting interests, ideas, opinions, and even preferences with their partners.

It is inevitable, and it will happen more than once.

But conflict never marks the end of the world for couples; they can be resolved amicably every time they arise.

There are several ways to resolve conflicts, and you and your boyfriend can adopt one of them that works perfectly for you both and employ it whenever you have a conflict.

Lingering disputes or past emotional wounds that have not been completely healed from or forgiven usually hold the ability to create formidable barriers that can make your boyfriend hesitant to display affection.

Beyond this, unresolved conflict often becomes hatred and resentment in the hearts of people, and when this bears root in your relationship, it shakes the very foundation upon which it stands.



3. Evolving Relationship Dynamics

Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

The beauty of life is often seen in the variety that comes with evolution and change.

Every day, dynamics are changing.

People are, too.

A person could strongly believe in one thing today and may no longer believe in it the next day.

People’s pattern of doing things also changes very frequently.

As relationships evolve over time, the way affection is expressed can change.

When this happens, as couples, you need to come together to talk about the changes and decide how adjustments and adaptations can be made to them.

If this change occurs in you and you do not talk to your boyfriend about it, it may result in uncertainty in his heart because affection has become unfamiliar to him.

This can, in turn, lead to a reduction or withholding of affection from you.



4. Emotional Distance

Relationships are often not a walk in the park.

Any relationship that works and stands the test of time does so because the partners in the relationship have made up their minds to stay committed to each other and do the things that are necessary for the success of the relationship.

When partners are unintentional about their relationship, they gradually lose the passion in their relationship and their emotional connection.

It may not appear obvious at first, but partners will soon realize that they are no longer passionate about each other.

If you feel like your boyfriend is no longer affectionate towards you, you may want to check the emotional connection between you two.

A gradual emotional disconnection can cause your boyfriend to withdraw affection, which in turn impacts overall intimacy.



5. Individual Struggles

Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

People do not throw their individuality and personality away when they get into a relationship.

And inevitably, issues can arise in their personal lives that can affect their relationship negatively.

Every day, people are struggling with several issues.

From mental health challenges like depression to financial challenges, social and peer pressures, physical health challenges, etc.

And sometimes, the pressure of these challenges may daint their ability to show affection to their partners.

Always pay attention to your boyfriend, and show him kindness in the midst of challenges.

Showing him that you are there for him and sincerely care about his well-being may help him also prioritize your need for affection.



6. Lack of Intimacy and Connection

Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

Although relationships occur most times as a result of two people being endeared to each other.

But once in a while, we see situations where people go into a relationship even when they are not endeared to their partners.

These kinds of relationships are often set up for other benefits outside emotional satisfaction.

Some of these benefits may include money, social status, etc.

If your boyfriend does not feel emotionally connected to you, he may lack the ability to be affectionate with you.

He can try, but it won’t flow as naturally as it should, and you won’t be satisfied with it, too.

Lack of affection can also stem from a lack of intimacy in the relationship.

If you both do not share intimacy, being overly affectionate may feel foreign to your boyfriend.



7. Trust Issues

Trust is very fragile- easily broken and really difficult to fix.

There are several things you may have done to compromise the trust in your relationship.

Some of these things may have been sincere mistakes, but as soon as trust is compromised within the relationship, it can make partners hesitant to openly express affection.

If you have broken the trust your man had in you, you may have to be patient and prove yourself trustworthy again to have his affection rekindled.

Where trust issues are standing in the way of your relationship having more affection, try to talk openly about them and find ways that work for both of you to move forward.



8. Different Love Languages

Why Your Boyfriend Withholds His Affection From You

Then there is the issue of differences in love languages.

You may feel like your boyfriend is unaffectionate towards you, but it might just be that he doesn’t speak your love language.

Differences in love language have been the cause of deep misunderstanding in many relationships, and that is why partners in a relationship are always advised to know each other’s love language and speak it fluently. There are five general love languages.

They include acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and giving gifts.

A person may have more than one love language, but everyone has their primary love language, and if you do not speak it fluently, it may feel like you do not care about them.

You may need to ask your boyfriend his love language and tell him yours in order to overcome the issue of lack of affection.



9. External Influences and Background

Most people you see are products of their upbringing.

And this upbringing is not limited to how their parents raised them.

The society they were raised in, the friends they kept, the culture they grew up with – all these play a role in people’s behaviors as adults.

If your man was raised in a home or society where couples were not really affectionate to one another, he may not know that he is supposed to be affectionate with you.

Also, opinions and pressures from external sources, such as family or friends, may influence how your man chooses to display affection with you.

For instance, there are some people who are of the opinion that men who display affection are weaklings.

If your man’s family or friends bear this opinion, the pressure to not be seen as a weakling may prevent him from showing you affection.




Although one of the reasons your boyfriend is withholding affection from you is the absence of emotional connection, it is not always the case.

The fact that your boyfriend is not affectionate does not mean he doesn’t love you or is no longer interested in the relationship.

Following the reasons outlined above, having a one-on-one conversation with your boyfriend may help you understand why it seems like he is unaffectionate towards you.

Couples who openly communicate, work together to resolve conflicts, and nurture their emotional connection often find that affection naturally flows, rekindling the warmth and intimacy that brought them together in the first place.

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